Drunken Ramblings
by Team7Star
Summary: A roleplaying email from me to my friend. Includes lots of cussing, breaking the fourth wall, yaoi, and drunk Mello. Read at your own risk. Written by Son A.


**I AM SO SORRY. I know I haven't been updating TMAOMAM. Procrastination. D: So this is to make up for my inactivity. Me and my besite, the wonderful Gillian, were roleplaying as Mello (me) and Matt (her). But then I got bored at 11PM and emailed her this. Oh geez.**

_Drunken Ramblings_

Hey Matty-kun,

I was bored so I decided to stuff a whole lot of bullshit into one email for you to read. YOU SHOULD FEEL SPECIAL.

I'm listening to that Grell song on an endless loop. Damn, that song is addictive. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's that sexy little high-pitched noise the singer makes at that one part. Fahk. Ignore that last sentence. My raging homo is showing. Sorry.

I don't know why, but I sure do have the tendency to cuss. Like, every other fahking sentence. Why do I misspell some curses anyways? I should stop that. Yeah, I think I'm gonna do that.

I feel like I wanna eat a brownie. A nice, big, double chocolate brownie. Maybe quadruple chocolate. Diabetes can suck my dick. I like brownies. And chocolate. And you. And fire. I'm not a pyromaniac. Shaddup.

So I bought that special chocolate syrup for kinky time **(1)**... tomorrow I'm thinking. And I have plenty of rope, so if you gnaw through one knot you'll have to gnaw through like, 9001 others. SAY HELLO TO MAH LITTLE FRIENDS.

Just watched Black Butler for absolutely no fucking reason. I am currently attracted to Ronald Knox. Don't you WTF me, he's cute. Damn raging homo side. I feel like such a slut.

Dear diary, I killed One Direction today. I burned them to death and then ate their ashes, shat them out and fed them to a pelican. A really badass pelican. Aaaaaaaw shiiittttt yeeeaaaahhhh.

There is a stuffed Pikachu sitting in front of me. Staring at me with those souless eyes of his. Fucking clown cheeks. I honestly don't get why Pikachu is so "cute", "kawaii", "adorable", whatever you wanna call him. He creeps me out. Like behind that happy smile and "Pika pika!" is a pedophile stalker who murders 23 year olds named Mihael. Fuck my imagination. All the way to hell.

GREEN IS NOT A CREATIVE COLOR. JESUS CHRIST HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT?

I wonder if there's a limit to how much you can put in an email... I will surely hit that limit. This is turning into a novel. Please publish this. So strangers can read my complete and utter bullshit. I'm not drunk. Or high. I swear.

I love you. Did you know that? I was staring at your ass today. I hope you didn't notice. You should wear those tighter jeans more often. I just had the urge to touch your hair. IDK why. Don't ask me why. I wanna lick your face. I'm starting to debate on whether or not that seltzer was actually vodka, **(2)** cuz I drank a shitload of it. Very slow kicking in vodka. My favorite.

Still listening to that Grell song. Still loving that sexy noise. FML. Ronald's song is sexy too. I hope your gaydar fucking broke from my sexy homo waves. You dick. I love you.

I wanna write a poem about bunnies. And learn Japanese. So I can figure out WTF Grell is singing about. I heard Shinigami. That's about all I know. I suck.

Everything I do immediately becomes illegal. You count. You're not allowed in this country, Matty-kun! HIDE!

I feel like all the Basilisk from Harry Potter wanted was a good rape. But he didn't like anyone he thought he would like so he petrified them all. And all the bodies piled up in Madam Pomfrey's hospital wing. And there was no one left. And they all died. Slow and painful. Slow and painful. SLOW AND FUCKING PAINFUL. I'm not a sadist.

Dear diary, today I murdered the author of My Immortal just for shits and giggles. And also because she mutilated the human language and butt raped Harry Potter to death. And pretty much started the term "Mary Sue." I hope she rots in hell.

I'm insecure about my legs. I feel like there's too much flab on them. That's kinda why I never wear shorts. Plus the leather makes me look skinnier. But it's hot as hell. As in temperature wise. Though totally worth it.

I accidentally made the mistake of sleeping in my leather vest last night. It left this ugly red mark on my stomach. Not going shirtless for another few days.

Do you think I'm sexy? I think I am. And so do many other people. Imma let you in on a little secret. When I say I'm off to go buy shit loads of chocolate, I really go out clubbing. I don't bring you along because I think you'd get hella jealous if you saw an extremely drunk me flirting with everything. And then you'd get all possessive and drag me away and then we'd make out for a while- Shutting the fuck up.

I wanna throw a potato at an orphan. Shit, I'm an orphan. I'll just throw a potato at myself then. Or Near. This could work...

I had a super dirty dream about Gevanni last night. I hope you aren't mad. It was good though. I'll make sure to include you next time.

Ok maybe I am drunk. Just a little.

I have to hold the headphones I'm wearing in with a pencil sharpener. A fucking pencil sharpener. The headphone jack is too big to fit in the hole of my laptop (sex jokes lolololol) so I had to shove it in there and hold it there with a pencil sharpener. It works though. I am satisfied.

I just took a shower... I wanted you to join, but...

DUBSTEP WUB WUB WUB FUCKITY WUB DROP THE BASS AND DIE IN A HOLE WUB WUB WUB I am so sorry.

I had a sudden feeling that was telling me to crossdress. Fuck that feeling. I've got better things to do. Like you.

I wanna smell an Expo Marker and shove it up someone's ass. Dry Erase bitches.

The floor is now lava. I must not touch it or have my feet burned off. Fucking fantabulous. Go sacrificial kangaroo! ...Shit, it died. I'm a murderer. *sobs* *immediately stops* WORTH IT.

We should become hobos and sing the magical Hobo Song. I am so drunk right now it's not even funny.

I am aware of the fact that there are about 15 empty bottles of beer sitting next to me on the floor. I am drunk. It has been decided.

This is what happens when you're not here. Come to me. I am waiting. I want you here. I am lonely. I miss you. Hope you enjoyed a big fucking load of bullshit. Merry Christmas.

I love you.

**(1) This was something that happened while we were chatting. Mels wanted kinky shit. And he always gets what he wants.**

**(2) Another chat thing. I was home alone and raiding the fridge while roleplay chatting. I found a bottle that looked suspiciously like a wine bottle but found out it was seltzer. Drank it anyways.**

**I hope you enjoyed... this. I don't really know what to call it.**


End file.
